Anyone who still holds the antiquated opinion that being gay is a choice would have this notion quickly shattered after hearing the fear—the trembling fear—of a thirteen year old boy whispering in your ear “is this the gay helpline?”
Many of the youths who call The Trevor Project helpline feel that they have nothing and no one. They are often rejected from their families and alienated by their schools and communities.
I’m uncertain if it is the trial of their experience or the virtue of being an outsider, but the youth I have spoken to through the helpline are the most surprising, intelligent, selfless and extraordinary people I have ever talked to. Every caller has a unique experience, but many of our young callers are so frightened, they hang up before ever speaking a single word. When I do connect with them, I mostly listen and provide support to many vulnerable young people, which is no different than what school counselors can and should do every day. Honestly, since there are still schools with the words “fag” and “gay” carved into desks and chiseled into the walls, or worse; a culture that fails to even acknowledge such issues, arming youth with the tools and resources they need is absolutely critical for their well-being, if not their survival.
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers and nine times more likely if they are rejected from their family. Youth who identify as LGBTQ account for about 20% to 40% of all homeless youth in the United States. In fact, helpline counselors are often providing resources for youth who are locked out of their own home.
It continually surprises and worries me how young the voices are on the other end of the phone line. Emboldened by the great advances in tolerance and more positive media portrayals, youth are coming out younger and younger. But sadly, acceptance is not universal. And when things go poorly, the emotional fortitude of an eleven or twelve year old is not strong enough to handle the devastating consequences of alienation and even violence and hostility from friends, family and even strangers.
There is this notion that youth are “too young to understand” the issues facing LGBTQ youth. For many straight and/or LGBTQ youth, the opportunity to talk about such issues is often the first time they have ever been invited or engaged to speak about their understanding of highly stigmatized subjects that affect their day-to-day lives such as sexuality, gender identity or mental health. So my advice is to do more for your students. I learn more about the diversity of problems LGBTQ youth face every day I participate in a program by The Trevor Project. Every school counselor should become familiar with just how vulnerable these young people are, that they have done nothing wrong and their lives are precious.
Kyle Suchomel, originally from Atlanta Georgia, began volunteering with The Trevor Project shortly after moving to NYC in 2008. He has served as a helpline counselor, Trevor space administrator, and school workshop facilitator. Because of his life changing experience volunteering at Trevor Kyle is now a social work graduate student at NYU. Kyle is spoken word poet and performer and teaches a weekly improv comedy for homeless LGBTQ youth.